A Cycle ©

The silence is so loud

That’s how they describe it

To me it’s heavy

Like I’m in the middle of a group hug

Smothered with anxiety

No noise to distract me

Nothing to focus on

It gives me time to think

But I don’t want to be up there

In my head

That’s where my imagination runs

Where it turns into nightmares

Lights the match and poof

Ashes, it rains ashes

What’s worse though?

The nightmare or the ashes

Would I rather be thinking? Or dying?

Dying isn’t what the ashes are

Just simply sleep

An escape from my mind

But in an odd way that’s when my mind’s in control

The dreams and the falling

The slow running and the blurry vision

Not being able to save the ones I love

In reality I can never run from it

Not when I am it

No escape from myself now is there?

Therapy, meditation, laughter?

Does it work?

Yes but only for a second

Only in the moment

And then poof

Ashes, nightmares